Life in the slow lane

'M.E. myself and I' by Anna Redshaw

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Dear Diary – I’m going on a date!

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Anna Redshaw

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Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!

The venue

His house. Hear me out before you give me the third degree. There is a method to my madness.

It could well be too overwhelming to meet in a noisy, public, place. I would be anxious beforehand about whether I would find him in the crowd for example. I just don’t feel I could fully be myself. He can’t come here. My parents are here. Plus my two brothers. I’m 26, not 14. It’d be very much Simon and his parents from The Inbetweeners. I just feel, perhaps strangely, more comfortable doing it this way. I can lie on the sofa and get some peace while he cooks.

I’ve spoken to him a couple of times on the phone. We’ve been texting a hell of a lot. I’ve seen photos. I have his address. His housemate will also be there. My friend lives in the next street.

I’ve been feeling sick all week…I’ve hardly eaten. I think it’s another case of me picking up a bug but my immune system being on such high alert that it’s managing to keep it at bay. So the plan is to watch Arthur Christmas. Seriously. It’s how I roll.

I’m trying to be calm but I’m excited! I don’t think I’m that nervous. I have no real expectations or hopes – for me it’ll just be fabulous to have left the house and be talking to someone new. I’m feeling confident enough to say when I need to just sit in silence. He can like it or lump it. It’s what I need. I won’t pretend for a person I’ve only just met! That is reserved for people like my grandparents, so they won’t worry. It might not sound all that nice but he really will just have to take me as I am.

If I’m struggling with anything it’s finding the balance between being honest and not making it an issue/scaring him away.

6 responses to “Dear Diary – I’m going on a date!”

  1. Are we the real Undateables? | M.E. myself and I Avatar
    Are we the real Undateables? | M.E. myself and I

    […] to share your story? Get in touch if you would. It can be published anonymously.  Related posts: Dear Diary, I’m going on a date! Foreign Territory […]

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  2. Dateable? | M.E. myself and I Avatar
    Dateable? | M.E. myself and I

    […]   I’m trying hard not to undersell myself by telling him “You’re making a huge compromise physically.” Mentally and emotionally I’m pretty sound. Physically (and cognitively) not so much.     I am actually (and very surprisingly) getting on well with spending so much time with someone. That was my biggest concern – that just having someone sitting next to me on my poorlier days would be classed as overstimulation by my broken brain. It’s because I’ve made improvement since the latter part of 2014 that I’m coping with that bit, but also because I feel comfortable with him. He’s kind of cool.    I am learning to trust that he really is okay with me not being able to do so many things. It’s very frustrating because I feel like the Old Anna would be so much more of a catch! She was adventurous and outdoorsy and a whole host of other things that the M.E. Anna cannot yet be. I’ve been told I am not to apologise when I’m experiencing a crash and, for example, need to lie on the floor (yes this has really happened! Luckily not on our first date though!) I’m learning that a lot of the issues I’d imagined that would surface about M.E. are actually my issues, rather than those of the person I am dating.    I’m trying not to let it frustrate me that I can’t do the basics like cook for him. (That’s probably for the best though as I am TERRIBLE in the kitchen.) I just feel a little bit useless. I would do so much more if I could. It’s never that I don’t want to. I’ve tried to be honest, yet keep the balance between informing and moaning.    I have explained that recovering from M.E. is essentially my full-time job. I will therefore not be able to do everything and anything despite not having any plans. Rest needs to be accommodated for. A lot. I won’t be able to see him even though I might be free. He seems to take it all in his stride…   I’ll keep you updated.    (But! If one more person says that my recent improvement and progress is down to the fact I’m dating I may throw all of my toys out of the pram! My argument is that without improvement I would not be able to date someone in the first place!)   Related posts: Are we the real Undateables?  Dear Diary – I’m going on a date! […]

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  3. The Dating Game – One Year On | M.E. myself and I Avatar
    The Dating Game – One Year On | M.E. myself and I

    […] we the real Undateables? Dear Diary – I’m going on a date! […]

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  4. Miss to Mrs | M.E. myself and I Avatar
    Miss to Mrs | M.E. myself and I

    […] Dear Diary – I’m going on a date! […]

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  5. An Open Letter – M.E. myself and I Avatar
    An Open Letter – M.E. myself and I

    […] https://the-slow-lane.com/2015/01/20/dear-diary-im-going-on-a-date/ […]

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  6. M.E. myself and him – Part 3 – M.E. myself and I Avatar
    M.E. myself and him – Part 3 – M.E. myself and I

    […] I don’t want to go over old ground too much. I mentioned our first date in Dear Diary, I’m going on a date! […]

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Hello,

I’m Anna

Welcome to M.E. myself and I, my tiny little corner of the internet where I share snippets of life in the slow lane. You’ll also find all things Blue Sunday here, the annual fundraising event I started in 2013 to raise awareness of M.E., include people living with the illness, and raise money for the M.E. charities who support us.

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