His house. Hear me out before you give me the third degree. There is a method to my madness.
It could well be too overwhelming to meet in a noisy, public, place. I would be anxious beforehand about whether I would find him in the crowd for example. I just don’t feel I could fully be myself. He can’t come here. My parents are here. Plus my two brothers. I’m 26, not 14. It’d be very much Simon and his parents from The Inbetweeners. I just feel, perhaps strangely, more comfortable doing it this way. I can lie on the sofa and get some peace while he cooks.
I’ve spoken to him a couple of times on the phone. We’ve been texting a hell of a lot. I’ve seen photos. I have his address. His housemate will also be there. My friend lives in the next street.
I’ve been feeling sick all week…I’ve hardly eaten. I think it’s another case of me picking up a bug but my immune system being on such high alert that it’s managing to keep it at bay. So the plan is to watch Arthur Christmas. Seriously. It’s how I roll.
I’m trying to be calm but I’m excited! I don’t think I’m that nervous. I have no real expectations or hopes – for me it’ll just be fabulous to have left the house and be talking to someone new. I’m feeling confident enough to say when I need to just sit in silence. He can like it or lump it. It’s what I need. I won’t pretend for a person I’ve only just met! That is reserved for people like my grandparents, so they won’t worry. It might not sound all that nice but he really will just have to take me as I am.
If I’m struggling with anything it’s finding the balance between being honest and not making it an issue/scaring him away.
(Written December 2014.)