First date since 10th March 2020
I am not ready to be around or amongst people yet.
But we had a plan for today to see how I got on in the car (I struggled with motion sickness a lot last year) and to possibly maybe hopefully stop off at a quiet country pub garden if I felt okay enough to do something like that after shielding for 15 months.
The pub car park was completely empty so today I dipped my toe in the Big Wide World again and had a coke in an empty beer garden. Honestly, if there’d been people there I’m not sure I would have.
It was unsettling to see how busy the roads were, and how many people really are just cracking on with life. I understand people have to work and shop for food but the rest is hard to comprehend when so little has changed since the first lockdown.
I’m half “what was the point in getting vaccinated if I’m still going to shield to the same extent?” and half “this is essentially self-sabotage after being so careful for so long. I’m putting myself at risk just by holding a glass that someone else has touched!”
So this was a start.
I did it. It was lovely and overwhelming and really quite complex. I feel guilty for doing this while people are still dying, still shielding, still suffering the effects of Covid and having to join the Post Viral Fatigue Club that nobody wants to be a part of. I know myself well enough to know that if I hadn’t done this today, or one day soon, that I would likely become too anxious to leave the house at all.
I’ve hand sanitised my hands repeatedly, wiped my phone down with anti-bad wipes, changed my clothes and had a cry. I think I’m probably overwhelmed actually.