I don’t believe health would equal happiness for me.
Health would mean physical restrictions were removed, but I have to find happiness here where I am. That’s how it is for me. It’s not the same for everyone, and there’s no right or wrong – only what’s right or wrong for us as individuals.
It’s not hard for me to find happiness most of the time. For a start I have a support system that validates my experiences. By this I mean, I don’t have to fight for recognition or understanding from others on a daily basis. That alone is a wonderful, but sadly rare, thing.
And of course I am not so restricted that I cannot be here online with you, right now. Take that away and the happiness does waver. So while full health wouldn’t equate to happiness, it is easier to be content when I am not experiencing the severest form of my own M.E.
To be honest, good health doesn’t feel attainable to me anymore. Some people will read that and say that thinking that way is the very reason why I won’t get better. If you’ve been here awhile you’ll know I believe those people belong in the bin.
This isn’t about not wanting to get better. I don’t know anyone with M.E. who doesn’t want to be well again. This isn’t me having lost hope. And this isn’t me saying I don’t think I’ll improve. I hope I improve but I do believe I will live with M.E to some degree for the rest of my life. Almost 11 years in I don’t see full recovery in my future.
So because good health doesn’t feel within reach, I don’t want to waste my time waiting for something that I have to acknowledge probably isn’t going to come.
I am lucky in so many ways, and being able to at least try to make my peace with how things are is one of the things I’m luckiest for.