Self worth 

Every now and then I have a complete crisis of confidence. Not regularly, and not for very long, but every now and then. 

I question why on earth someone like him would choose someone like me. I wonder if my friends have only stuck around through pity. I struggle to see myself as more than nothing. I struggle to accept the lovely views that other people have of me. I measure my self worth by the things I can no longer do. 

I see this poorly version of myself as having very little to offer; as so boring and plain. The constant lack of energy has dampened my personality and left an almost empty shell. 
I attach so much to the old, healthy version of myself. 

We are getting married later this year and when he proposed I was so shocked that HE would want to marry ME that I could do nothing more than repeat over and over that exact point “YOU want to marry me?! Really?!” 

Why can I no longer see my own worth? Why can I not see myself through the eyes of others? 
And then when I hear through the grapevine that others have been questioning what it is he sees in this poorly version of myself…then follows utter desolation. 

This illness has taken so much, and some days it also takes my self worth. Those are hard days. 

Published by Anna Redshaw

Blogging about life in the slow lane with an invisible, chronic illness. I wasn't always a sick chick so this is somewhat of a life changing experience!

3 thoughts on “Self worth 

  1. I’m so sorry. I haven’t met you but from what I’ve seen through social media is that you are a incredibly brave, beautiful person with compassion for others and for animals. We have have times like this but I hope you can fight the lies and what others say, and see yourself for the special, valuable person that you are and that your man sees. I wish had some sage advice to offer you right now. Praying and sending hugs. ♥ Keep your chin up! \^o^/
    ~Raindoodlie (Amanda)


  2. I’m sorry to hear of your hard time Anna. How hard for you to hear messages from others who are judging you, when you are already judging yourself! But we are all so much more that what we do! Far more important is how we ‘be’! I find it easy to see why your man wants to marry you when I consider your ways of being. I hope you will too when you have a better day!

    Lots of Love,



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: