Catch 22

Days like this are tricky. They are the days when there is likely to be tears before bedtime. Tears of despair and frustration and desperation, not of sadness. 
I just cannot get going these days! The fatigue is horrendous and it’s leading to a worsening in the visual disturbances and constant nausea. This is tough. 
My head feels foggy and cloudy and full of cotton wool. I’m struggling to speech coherently and form sentences out loud. I usually find it amusing but today it’s frustrating and I just want to feel a little better than I have for the last couple of months. It’s all come to a standstill and I seem to be going backwards. 
I’m blogging more frequently because I’m unable to do my little drives or my baking or glass painting. I can watch television and use my iPad most days though. 
Anyway, to the point of this post. On days like today I feel like I should maybe try to do something to distract from the poorliness and to help tire myself out for a better nights sleep. Alas I feel too exhausted and it’s questionable as to whether it would be sensible to go ahead and do ‘something’.
If I just sit here waiting for bedtime I am likely to feel low as well as poorly. 
If I do something I am likely to feel even poorlier but happier. 
Which is the lesser of two evils? 
Today I decided to go happiness and extra-poorliness over misery and poorliness.
I managed a bit of baking. I’m not sure how because I feel so bleurgh but I did it. That in itself is great isn’t it? I pushed myself but only very gently. For once it was a culinary success! Recipes from Chocolate Covered Katie were a great find and today I made the Copycat Nature Valley Granola bars (which taste exactly the same as the real thing) and Lemon and Poppy seed muffins. It was great to have a distraction and achieve something. 
Eating my baked goods is a welcome bonus. 

It all feels so hard and tough at the moment. I know that things have been worse but I also know that they’re not good. 
Here’s to better times ahead. 

Published by Anna Redshaw

Blogging about life in the slow lane with an invisible, chronic illness. I wasn't always a sick chick so this is somewhat of a life changing experience!

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