I think I am starting to come out the other side of the aftermath from Blue Sunday. Touch wood!
I woke up this morning and felt a little disheartened that I was so weak and exhausted and sluggish and poorly. Then I remembered that THIS is normal. There is little point in putting ‘life’ on hold and waiting to feel fully ‘recovered’ from Blue Sunday. This is as good as it gets and I do have to remind myself sometimes.
My body had last week off and now it is time to take the reigns again, sensibly of course! I’m not talking about going out for a run or something like that. Merely getting back some control and coaxing my body back into our routine.
I have managed a shower and washed my hair (which is sadly getting too long for me to manage. Time for a trim. Sorry lovers of the long hair but needs must.) Fingers crossed I won’t have to have bed rest for today’s ‘adventures’.
I am changed out of my pyjamas. I’ve made myself a cup of coffee. That might be it for today though. I shouldn’t try to run before I can walk, as they say. Too much too soon is never a good idea, as I was reminded last week.
I’m wearing my pretty pandora rings because why save things for best or for days out? Instead I shall look fabulous, or my fingers shall, whenever I want. My clothes don’t match and those of you who know me will not be surprised by this at all. I wanted to wear my birthday cardigan, so I did. I also wanted to wear a maxi dress, so I did. And no outfit of mine would be complete without a pair of cartoon socks. I often look like a bag lady…
Seeing myself in the mirror got me to thinking. I no longer have most of the clothes I wore pre-M.E. They don’t fit. I’ve put on weight. Maybe two stone. Leading a sedentary life will do that to you. We are practically allergic to exercise afterall.
It can get you down. Especially in a society that is obsessed with diets and slimming and weight loss programmes. But I refuse to see myself as fat. I’m not.
How do you lose weight when you cannot exercise? I don’t have the answers. I have no idea! I don’t eat excessively. Infact I eat far less than I used to. I eat the ‘right stuff’ for the majority of the time. At one time or another I’ve cut out sugar, gluten, dairy, eaten low GI… When I’m feeling particularly poorly I do comfort eat. There are also times when I want to snack because I’m desperate for an energy boost. Alas I don’t get the energy boosts I’m expecting and hoping for.
I go for comfort when choosing clothes now and it just so happens that those clothes are oversized and baggy. But these baggy clothes don’t hide the fact that you can see the weight gain in my face. I’ve actually lost my jaw line. (If you find it please return it to me!)
I’m trying to accept this new life warts and all. Or weight gain and all. I do miss my flat stomach though!