My youngest brother got married earlier this month and I got to be there! I almost wrote my littlest brother, but the fact is that he’s bigger than all of us now. It was such a happy day and such a lovely wedding!
Things that made it possible:
- Intense pacing and missing out of other things and events in the weeks and months beforehand.
- Travelling down to the area two days before the wedding. And not having to drive myself there, obviously! Like a lot of people with M.E or chronic illness I cannot use trains so rely on my family to drive me wherever I need to go.
- Having quiet accommodation for the two nights before the wedding (and no rush to check out on the day of the wedding as we’d booked until the following day despite not needing to actually sleep there. Yes, being disabled/chronically ill is expensive).
- A bedroom at the venue that I went off to rest in. Because of the heat I also had a tactical cold shower to try to recover a little. I was in danger of missing the meal and speeches with how much my body was struggling with the heat and exertion of the day.
- Snacks and my own water so I didn’t have to wait for food or drinks if my body needed them sooner.
- My Team, aka My husband, parents and family. I am never expected, or needed, to do anything more than I can. My energy was to be spent on simply being there at the wedding. I wasn’t to try to chip in with the washing up or suchlike in our accommodation. In fact I actually get told off for attempting such things.
- The knowledge that I would be well looked after when the inevitable Post Exertional Malaise (the key feature of this particular chronic illness) hit.
- Breathing exercises, actually. Not a cure or remedy for M.E. but something that I have found reduces the inevitable panic and overwhelm when I know my poorly body is going to have to try to do far more than is sensible, ‘safe’, or usual. I sometimes use the Calm app’s simple breathing exercise.
- And a good old dollop of luck and adrenaline
I didn’t make it to the drinks the night before the wedding. I didn’t even feel much sadness waving everyone else off. It was imperative that I prioritise the wedding day itself and I couldn’t risk joining everyone else the night before incase it left me too unwell to get to the actual wedding.
All of the food was gluten free which was fantastic as someone who’s gluten free and always has to wait for safe foods or who misses out completely.
One thing I now dread in almost every social setting is how to navigate conversation with strangers. It’s odd to fear the standard “How are you?” and “What do you do?” conversations, but I won’t be alone in fearing them. Neither came up, actually. Much to my delight. There wasn’t really the chance to chat in any depth with anyone and I was surrounded by my wonderful family and my brother’s new in-laws (some of whom we’d met before).
It took eleven days (but who’s counting) to get back to something close to my ‘normal’. Now let’s not get silly and forget that that doesn’t mean I’m not still very ill. And I am still going gently and carefully because bouncing back is not a thing with this illness. You can get weeks or months down the line and not be truly out of the woods after such a huge undertaking. The wedding was my one big thing of 2026, after Blue Sunday.
It’s hard not to let the days spent in bed in the dark, eating your meals by lamp light, dampen your memories of such a wonderful day. But I’m managing to cling on to the feeling of pure happiness I felt in being there!
