You shall go to the ball

Last week, I went to one of my very best friend’s weddings and it was so lovely and a Very Big Deal.

It was a Very Big Deal because:

a) I’m unwell

b) my body being out of the house for more than an hour is asking for trouble

c) the pandemic is not over, and a lesser virus had a really good go at ruining my life

d) making small talk with new people always brings up my unemployed and unwell status and that can lead to reliving years of medical trauma and societal neglect

e) car journeys are 😵

After months of overthinking about whether I could or should go, at a level that even I hadn’t known I could reach, I did decide to go. It is not the same choice some of friends would have made in a pandemic.

I will say though, that it feels so much easier to leave the house to see the special people who respect and understand my boundaries with this; who understand that it isn’t anxiety but being educated enough to know that covid-19 is airborne and that our feelings about it will not change the risk it poses.

I simply wouldn’t have even taken the time to weigh up my options if I wasn’t as lucky as I am with the friends I have. There are still so many things I am not doing. The things I am doing are done in a way where I can reduce the risk as much as possible; with select people, at select times, at select places.

With the usual military precision planning, I got to see my friend marry her person. I got to spend the afternoon, out of the house, with my husband. I got to wear something that wasn’t pyjamas, and buy my prettiest mask yet for the occasion (FFP2 mask underneath of course). And it was wonderful (so wonderful) to be there; to be well enough to be there when just 12 months ago I wouldn’t have managed it.

So grateful and so glad to have been there.