I’ve reached that point, after doing A Thing (in this case Blue Sunday), where I’m feeling like the worst of the Post Exertional Malaise has subsided and I’m patiently waiting for the last of the poorliness to leave.
Only, it won’t leave. Because this is in fact my ‘normal’. And even 11 years in, I have to consciously remind myself that I can be as patient as I like, but it isn’t going to lessen anymore than this.
And once I’ve reminded myself of that some kind of peace and contentment returns actually. I’m lucky that frustration isn’t something I feel often.
That’s where happiness lies for me; in the not waiting for everything to be perfect. In unlearning the idea that full health is the only way to a happy life. Because it isn’t. There can and is happiness right here.
IMAGE: A selfie of Anna sitting on the edge of the bed in a tartan dressing gown. Her hair is falling out of a plait, and she hasn’t quite got the energy to smile properly but is quite happy.
M.E. myself and I 