Post-viral veterans

CW: covid-19, long covid, pandemic

Knowing that recovery isn’t the only outcome after a virus/illness causes me a huge amount of distress every time a loved one gets sick.

In my almost ten years of sharing online I have met so many people with M.E who also have relatives with the same diagnosis. It’s not uncommon. And so when my family get the flu or have a virus or have had covid-19 it is hard to calm and quiet my racing mind.

I am hyper vigilant; nagging them to rest despite knowing that rest didn’t actually save me from a post-viral beast. (I rested during a virus, but still didn’t get better.)

This is something I felt LONG before the pandemic woke the masses up to post-viral illness.

But hearing how shocked the world has been to see that a virus can have long-term, detrimental effects has made me feel somewhat invisible if I’m honest; like I’ve been screaming into a void for the past decade about my own post-viral consequences.

The number of people who did not realise my M.E. was a result of a virus. The number of people who had no idea that that is what M.E. often is; a post viral illness. To me, that hints that the strongest viewpoint remains, that M.E. is nothing more than psychological weakness on the part of the patient.

I still find it unfathomable that some of those around me aren’t doing everything they can to avoid this particular virus. My ego tells me that they don’t think what happened to me will happen to them; as if I did something wrong or was not strong enough to stop a virus from evolving within my body to become long-term, life-altering disability.

“It won’t happen to me, Ann.” Why not? How do you know? Why then, did it happen to me? Please do explain what it is that sets you apart from me!

To have had to sit back and watch as millions of people are exposed to a virus, knowing that a large percentage of them will go on to get post viral illness, has been exhausting/challenging/upsetting/devastating/frustrating.

Love to those who have ‘lived’ this post-viral life for years and years. And love to those who are having to join is more recently.