I suppose I have chosen ,contentment over cure’. Because one is far more achievable than the other, and there is peace to be found there.
I am not chasing a cure. I am not chasing recovery. I’m not even sure that you could say I’m chasing progress. I hope for progress. But am I actively chasing it?
I have learnt that some things in life aren’t affected by sheer will or effort or desire. My own physical health is one of those things.
And so I remain on that tentative tightrope between acceptance and grief; of trying to keep my balance between the two extremes.
Because acceptance is an extreme in our society. I have often been accused of “settling” purely because I am not chasing any and every remedy. If this is settling then I’m actually quite happy with it to be honest.
There is peace and contentment here in not chucking everything I’ve got at the next Maybe This Will Fix It. I no longer even believe myself to be broken so why would I need a fix?
Not striving for recovery does not mean that I am settling for this. It means I am doing what is best for me and my mental health, and that is finding peace and working on accepting where I am at.
And if you need someone to remind you that that’s okay, or give you permission to do exactly the same, I’m happy to be that person for you.
As ever, please remember that this view of my life is mine and only mine. To view things this way comes with a very large dollop of privilege. Acceptance is a privilege in itself, as it is not something that’s available to everyone. I have the circumstances and the support that make acceptance available to me.