No one has really seen me since I relapsed because we’ve been in lockdown, so they don’t have any real concept of how the relapse has affected me other than through what I have shared online. So with restrictions easing I face explaining to them that lockdown might have eased but my symptoms have not.
There are things I could do this time last year that I now cannot manage. Because I have M.E, and with M.E comes huge variations.
And surely I should be “better” after over a year of not needing to go out or physically do very much. *insert upside down smiley face here*
It’s making me think of the times when some people felt they’d made plans as Anna-friendly as possible, yet STILL I cancelled or declined the invitation. And rather than offer me sympathy for having to miss out on yet another lovely occasion, they instead decided to point out how great they’d been to book a restaurant with wheelchair access/sort me out a lift/get in gluten free food/choose a specific venue because of its location…How sad they were that their plans were being affected by my health. Spoiler alert: you can be disappointed that things aren’t going to plan for you, but still have empathy for the person who is missing out completely.
I’m tired of the easing of restrictions already. Sorry, but I am. It’s just complex for me that’s all. I haven’t missed saying “No” or having to explain that “Yep, I’m still too unwell to join in.” I haven’t missed not being invited. I haven’t missed watching the world go by as I stay here. I haven’t missed the misplaced pressure or the guilt. I’ve had so much freedom in lockdown, in so many ways. And now it’s back to ‘normal’. Well I haven’t missed it.