'M.E. myself and I' by Anna Redshaw

This week I had a follow up appointment with my endocrinologist. I was referred recently by my Wonder GP after I went to seek answers and advice about what can only be described as a ridiculously OTT reaction to anything that makes me jump.

Just having Me Tree Surgeon walk into the kitchen when I hadn’t heard him coming is even to send my body into complete shock. The adrenal release (or whatever the hell it is!) is so severe that I can physically feel my nerve endings prickle across my body. If the doorbell goes and I’m in a completely relaxed state, the same happens. In films if something makes me jump, it takes my breath away. It has become incredibly debilitating.

Anyway, I digress. I will revisit the topic in a later post to fill anyone in who’s interested in the tests I’m having done.

While Mr Tree Surgeon and I were sat in the waiting room something occurred to me. I was in the midst of a payback day. For M.E. sufferers, for every action there is a reaction and after a big day of socialising two days before I was really poorly due to the Post Exertional Malaise. I felt I could vomit at any moment, my feet may well have been breeze-blocks they felt so heavy. I was in pain, I was dizzy, my vision was more blurred and out of focus than usual. The fatigue was…intense. And so on and so forth.

But while I sat there, in that oversized hospital wheelchair because I could barely walk a metre a minute, I realised that I used to feel like this on a GOOD day; on the very best day. I felt wretched but I used to feel that bad every single day.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am still very ill every day. Unimaginably so to the majority of you. But there has been an absolutely incredible amount of progress.

The realisation turned what felt like a dreadfully hard day into a wonderful one. I have come so far. So, so far. I feel incredibly lucky for that.