So I am in the midst of another setback. Lucky me. I won’t lie to you, this is hell. They always are. Alas, a silver lining has been pointed out to me by my beloved family. This is my ‘best’ setback yet. I’m not convinced but according to them it’s miles better than where I have been before. For starters, I can take my own arm out of my cardigan sleeve without having help. I’ve also been able to feed myself. Oh joy!
But this time it isn’t just M.E. who takes the blame for this current state of wretchedness.
A while ago I told you how, after reading Dr Myhill’s paper, I had started taking a list of supplements. Sadly I found myself feeling much poorlier and so stopped taking the, again. I’ve been reintroducing them one-by-one. Vitamin B12 first. All fine. Vitamin C. All fine. Green tea supplement. All fine. Magnesium. Definitely not fine.
So after a horrendous Friday last week (which we now know is down to the magnesium I’d started taking two days before) and the pain (both physically and otherwise) of having to cancel Saturday’s plans, and then Wednesday’s plans too, here we are a week later and things are still very much the same.
Chewing food is exhausting. I had a coughing fit yesterday morning that has left my core muscles feeling bruised. My head feels full of water and my neck is struggling to keep it up. This is constant. There is no break from it, instead I get a wave of increased awfulness, where my temperature rockets and my heart races for no apparent reason, every half an hour or so. The tremors or shaking, probably from ‘exertion’ are becoming ridiculous and consuming. They’re the worst I’ve had for sometime. The dizziness is far from pleasant. I dare anyone to tell me, at this very moment, that M.E. is “just tiredness”. Or how “everybody feels like that sometimes”. Or how I can’t possibly be THAT ill if I can still write blog posts.
There will be no driving or baking or going out to see friends. And there will definitely not be a repeat of Operation Ice Cream. There will be few days where I can manage a shower or to make my own drink or use the stairs more than once a day. My walk is no longer the walk I’ve spent months and months building up to. Instead it has returned to the shuffle it was back in September 2010. Between me and you I’ve only managed one (mobility-aided) shower since last Friday. Nice. I am starting to be able to use my iPad again, but not without suffering from the ‘exertion’ afterwards so you might not see me around as much. Texting too is tricky just now.
All I can do is hope that I return to my ‘best’ quicker than I did after my last setback. Wish me luck.