Being the optimist that I am I thought having a shower last night would be a good idea. Clean Ann. Clean pjs. Clean bed sheets (courtesy of Mum)
Today it doesn’t seem like such a good idea. How wild of me to think I could have a shower…
I’ve had at least two hours of nothing but good quality ‘purple time’ and it hasn’t made me feel any better. It hasn’t made me feel any worse either though.
I’m not going to list the symptoms or try to describe the horribleness.
I think it’s reading posts like this and seeing these photos that make people sad. I’m just being honest. They want to help in some way; to do something, ANYTHING. They feel guilty for being able to do the things that make me so ill and the things that I can’t even dream of.
The best way to help me is to appreciate what you have. Good health is so underrated. That’s not me saying that my life is so much worse than yours and so you should be grateful. That’s not what I mean at all. It is not a competition. I just hope that you can learn to appreciate the blessings and accept the less-lovely aspects of your own life.
Don’t feel sad for me. I don’t feel sad for me! Not today anyway…My life may not be as we’d expected it to be but I am okay, just not physically. I am content. I rarely feel like I am missing out and I honestly have no idea what it’s like to feel healthy. This is my normal. I’ve made my peace with it. I was lying here today trying to make myself feel angry or sad but I just couldn’t. Not because I was numb or disinterested but because I was content. It’s a wonderful feeling. I was safe in my bed and able to hear the birds outside and the lambs in the field. I have my family here and I’ve had a text from a friend. It really isn’t all bad.
Don’t feel guilty, feel blessed. Don’t compare, accept.
I don’t need happiness; I have that. I just might need to borrow some strength when the road gets rough(er!) Let me know you’re thinking of me from time to time. That’s really the only thing you can say really. It won’t fix anything but it will most likely make my day. Also I ask that you remember my friends who have more days like this than I do. I’m lucky that I now have less of these days a month than I do more of them.