Back to reality

I admit I’m getting carried away. I’ve been out twice in the space of a few days which is ‘silly’ in itself, but so soon after Christmas means it was probably more unwise than usual. Alas I shall reign myself in again. It’s hard sometimes though. I am better than I was this time last year, so that in itself is cause for celebration is it not? I just fancied a bit of excitement for a change…and I was well enough to do it.

So now life will return to ‘normal’ after the Christmas holidays. Once again the only post I will receive will be the dreaded brown envelopes from my good friends at the DWP and no doubt the delivery woman will wonder what that young woman is still doing floating around the house in her dressing gown in the middle of the afternoon. I shall make myself cups of coffee and sit and look out of the window from this prison. I will spend my days with the people I have come to treasure: my online friends, while waiting for my parents to get home from work.

I need to readjust myself to the new routine of everyone being back at work and being here by myself again. I am returning to the unwashed mess that this lovely illness has reduced me to (think Waynetta Slob without the booze and fags!)

I need to find my footing on the ladder of life once again.

Today I feel a bit lost. Over the holidays I had more of a purpose and a goal and now I need to readjust my mindset into seeing rehab and recovery as my ultimate goal again. Today it feels like the road ahead is still as long as it was in the beginning. I am frustrated that some people seem to think I lead a wonderful lifestyle because I never have to go to work. They say they would love to be able to stay at home in bed watching tele all the time and not having to get dressed etc, etc. For those of you who think that, you have got it so wrong. We poorly people are, most of us, ill 24/7; every second of every minute of every day. I would be happy to swap with you anytime…

Dear me, what a dreary post. Sorry! Snap out of it Jones.

On a cheerier note I’d like to say another thank you for reading. I have recently had more views in a single day than I could have ever hoped for. I’m not sure what I was expecting when I started this blog. Maybe just to help my friends and family understand a little better, but from the private messages and comments I’ve received from people, well, it has surpassed whatever I was hoping to achieve. I feel like I have a purpose, at a time in my life when I wasn’t sure I had one anymore. Thank you.

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