“If only I wasn’t ill…”
“But there is no if.”
–
“If I wasn’t ill I’d drive over right now.” “If I wasn’t ill I’d bring you meals on wheels.” “If I wasn’t ill I’d be able to out into cation all of the things I know you need, rather than just wishing I could help.”
I don’t think like this very often, but it tends to come up when those around me are struggling for whatever reason and in whatever way.
I was feeling like that several weeks ago and tearily said so aloud. Every now and then someone in my life will say something that acts as a jigsaw piece being slotted in to place in the puzzle that is acceptance. It happened that day when they gently said:
“There is no if.” You are ill. That’s just how it is.
They then let me share my frustrations about what I meant (the changes low function and energy has made on my actual personality!) and agreed that that is indeed rubbish and unfair, but gently reminded me that there is no if. It helped a lot.
'M.E. myself and I' by Anna Redshaw 