'M.E. myself and I' by Anna Redshaw

This is a sensitive topic. As ever, I have tried to word everything carefully. Sharing this could alienate me, but my blog has always been about me sharing my own personal experience.

There is no right or wrong with this topic; only what is right for each individual. Please be mindful of making blanket statements or judgements if you leave a comment. Comments will be moderated and removed.

You probably know by now that I won’t become a parent; a conclusion reached due to the severity and impact that the symptoms of M.E. have on my life. This is set in stone. I don’t accept any unsolicited advice on this topic. I know without any doubt, that it is the right and only thing for us.

It didn’t feel like a choice at all, more a conclusion reached that was glaringly obvious. But I know it was more of a choice than others have.

Seeing others become parents after reaching a different decision to the one I made has always been tricky.

Some of my friends who also have M.E. were already parents when either they become unwell, or we became friends. Both are ‘manageable’ for me. But there’s now a new group developing of friends with M.E. who are becoming first time parents after the onset of their illness.

It’s becoming troublesome for my brain. I rationalised, weighed up, talked everything through and reached the conclusion/decision we reached. I’ve been in counselling for four years for it. And yet here are others showing how it can be done, by hook or by crook. They are raising caring, compassionate, and empathetic children both in spite of their health restrictions and because of them.

And although we won’t go back on our decision (although like I’ve said, I’m sometimes a little loath to see it as something we even had a choice over) seeing other’s doing what we knew we couldn’t do, upsets things in my head a little. It has me questioning whether I have inflicted the pain of childlessness on myself, and perhaps unnecessarily.

If you feel it too, or maybe if you are wary of sharing your joys or struggles with parenting alongside chronic illness because you worry about how it may be received, I’m sending you my love and support. Because this is just all such a lot.