Whatever I give to those around me is more than enough. The energy I give is arguably worth far more than the energy they give, because to give any energy at all depletes me in a way it will never deplete them.
I might be just one of several sources that they expend energy or capacity or function on, on any given day. Whereas any energy or capacity or function that I expend on them, will be the only place I’m able to give to for at least several days.
Often it is only a few hours that those around me spend of our get-togethers. Like the absolute marvels they are, they will go to work the next day, & visit other friends in the days/evenings afterwards. They don’t have to block off days before they make the trip because their bodies can more than manage without doing so.
In contrast, it can be a whole week, or more, that I give to them (in rest ahead of seeing them, & enduring an exacerbation of symptoms and illness afterwards).
I have friends who make a 3.5 hour round trip to visit me. It feels like too much for them to give, particularly with their little ones in tow. Their willingness to make these visits is right up there with Things I Feel Most Lucky/Grateful For.
A nasty little voice in my head tells me that these friendships aren’t worth it for them because of how “unbalanced” they are. I should be doing more; giving more. This voice doesn’t care that I can’t; it just repeats to me that I “should”. The voice tells me their trips are one-sided and not really worthwhile for them. To travel so far just to sit around with me, or go out for lunch if we’re lucky with how the dice rolls that day. (Your self-worth takes a knock with chronic illness incase it wasn’t obvious. Neither of them have ever made me feel this way. It’s all an internal thing.)
I am trying to learn that giving them whatever I sensibly and safely can, is more than enough; they don’t want, and aren’t asking, for anymore than that. This is something I am working on. Still.
While I sometimes worry that our friendships have become unbalanced, they see that I am actually giving as much as they are. Their journey is equal to me getting showered and dressed, for example.
Working on it.
'M.E. myself and I' by Anna Redshaw 