Some days this just isn’t enough. And it’s completely understandable that we would feel this way. It’s incredible that we have days where we don’t feel this way…
I want to be able to brush my teeth, everyday. I want to be able to say “yes” to going out in the car with my husband; sitting beside him as he drives around doing work quotes. I want to be able to make something more than toast for myself. I want to be able to stay out of bed past 8pm without doing so affecting my ability to fall asleep. I want to be able to socialise online (the only place I can often socialise) without having to impose my own limitations on how long I can reasonably be online for. I want to change the bed for clean, fresh sheets. I want to be able to pop out to the shop when I need something. I want to wake up without doing so feeling like I’ve already overdone it. I want to be able to read a book. I want to be reliant only on myself. I want to get washed and dressed everyday. I want to look forward to seeing my friends, without having to plan each visit so carefully. I want to post my own letters at the post box that’s ‘only’ 50 metres away. I want to give, rather than constantly take. I want to talk about these things without being told “At least…” or that it could be worse.
I want to do these things and more without effort or struggle or repercussions.
Sometimes it’s too much of a chore to be grateful for the breadcrumbs that this illness gives you.
'M.E. myself and I' by Anna Redshaw 