'M.E. myself and I' by Anna Redshaw

What a lovely day to sit outside. Or not.

I’m very lucky that I’m able to tolerate being in the garden. But like the Goldilocks wannabe I am, the conditions have to be just right.

I have to be well enough to get the 5 metres from the back door to the garden bed. Often you’ll find me on the front step instead, for just a minute or two of fresh air when the patio and a longer garden stay are beyond me.

Sensory overload is something I experience as a result of M.E. Leaves blowing in the wind, traffic noise, the feel of a breeze on my skin, temperature differences, light changes…

I find too high a temperature incongruous with breathing and functioning at any level. Slightly dramatic? But I know my friends with M.E. will understand.

Lawnmowers several streets away can sound too loud. The neighbour’s bamboo leaves hit the back fence, buses pass by the front of the house, and some days even bird song or the sound of pigeon’s flapping their wings is enough to ignite or exacerbate my neurological symptoms.

For the noise, noise-cancelling headphones are wonderful, but bring other issues as, since being unwell my fight or flight response being off balance (silly hypothalamus) it is *very* easy to make me jump and the resulting cortisol release is very debilitating.

Windy conditions are a real struggle and often just too overwhelming for my much-frailer body.

I used to get a sun tan very easily. Us Joneses (my maiden name) were famed for it. But even that changed when I got ill. I now burn easily, and even when the rest of my body does eventually become tanned, the pallor on my face remains constant, often making it look like my head has been superimposed onto a different body in photos.

Like all things with this illness, one has to be well enough to even have a bedroom window open, let alone get some fresh air and a change of scene outside. It is what it is, and I’ll take what I can get.

Thinking of those for whom summer poses great issues, with increased bright light, longer days to endure, and a rise in temperature.