We went out for our first meal in a really long time recently. Worse-than-usual health and remaining appropriately cautious with the coronavirus meant years had passed since we last ventured in to a restaurant together.

But the conditions were as good as they could be and so we went out to celebrate our fifth wedding anniversary. With the usual rigorous planning.

While we were out, we bumped in to a couple of his customers. He introduced me and then we were all just chatting, as people must do every day, but I am so rarely a part of such conversations because I am so rarely there for them.

And I felt like a real person again; like I actually exist. It’s hard to explain, but it just felt so good.

I live behind closed doors; only seen by the people who visit me. I don’t see the neighbours to chat to, I don’t bump in to people in the street or the supermarket because I don’t go out enough for that happen. I tend to be someone who people hear about but never see; spoken about by my husband or my family.

But I was a person! A person right there infront of these customers; not just his wife who he mentions when he’s out and about. I existed and was a person in the flesh!

It was amazing to not just be this person who is hidden away and unseen. I got such a buzz from being and feeling so ‘seen’.

Afterwards, I said to my husband “I really feel like I exist.” Obviously I do exist and I am a real person but I think some of you here will understand what it is I mean. It was just the best feeling.

And to feel like I was a part of society again for a very small moment was so wonderful.

(The company and the food was also exceptional. The pub sat us in a corner by the window away from other punters. 10/10 experience for this vulnerable still-sort-of-shielding little thing. But my goodness has the world always been so loud?!)

Published by Anna Redshaw

Blogging about life in the slow lane with an invisible, chronic illness. I wasn't always a sick chick so this is somewhat of a life changing experience!

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