Energy rations

I am allocated a finite amount of energy each day. Spoiler alert: everyone is. They just get given far more than the mediocre amount I’m given. (I have no idea who gives out such measly portions of energy but I have a few stern words to say to them.)

The amount I have can depend on what I did the day before, or the day before that, or the week before, or even the month before. But more often than not there is no rhyme or reason for being given a more minuscule amount than is my normal. I never know how much I will be allocated on any given day.

There is very little/nothing I can do about any of this. There is nothing I can take to increase or override the amount of energy I have been given. Sleep does not help. Naps in the day drain my battery rather than freeze or restore it.

Like a faulty phone battery, my body never recharges overnight as it did so effectively for those first 21 years of my life. Now its maximum capacity is nearer 0% than 50%, and has been for over a decade. Anything near 100% recharge hasn’t happened since before I caught an unidentified virus in September 2010.

And I must never ‘max out’ my energy battery. Ever. That’s when things get really messy. I must aim to use just half of the energy allocation I’m given. If I’m only given 10% of Anna Pre-ME/CFS’s 100% then, in theory, I must only use 5% of that. In practice this is not conducive to living.

This is not ideal. And then you’re handed a whole heap of other unsavoury symptoms that you must also navigate each day, ranging from nausea to paralysis, to cognitive disfunction and orthostatic intolerance. Fun times! {sarcasm}

What shall I do with that incredibly precious 5% today? I must choose wisely. Digest food or brush my teeth? Chat to my husband or have a bath? Ooo choices choices…

Published by Anna Redshaw

Blogging about life in the slow lane with an invisible, chronic illness. I wasn't always a sick chick so this is somewhat of a life changing experience!

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