'M.E. myself and I' by Anna Redshaw

I’m not going to pretend I don’t have a complex relationship with my mobility aids.

I got my first wheelchair only a couple of months after becoming unwell with ME/CFS. My university friends were meeting up for our first reunion since graduation and I really wanted to go. Without a wheelchair it was impossible. So I bought one. It was bulky, blue, transit chair that weighed a tonne but it got me from the car park to the restaurant where we were meeting for lunch.

When I’ve spoken about my mobility aids in the past, a lot of people have commented or messaged about how they wish they’d got a wheelchair sooner.

Please don’t be so hard on yourselves. I think it was actually easier for me to buy that first chair when I did because there was no question as to whether I might manage without it. If that makes sense? I couldn’t walk to the bathroom.

I think it was easier in The Beginning. When I had no choice at all. If I wanted to leave the house, it would have to be in a wheelchair. And with this relapse that’s where I find myself again. I cannot go anywhere without using a wheelchair right now.

But as the progress and improvement in my health came, so too did that weighing up of whether to use my wheelchair or risk going with just my walking stick. I think some of you can relate to that. I was chuffed to be able to go out with my walking stick so wanted to do that when I could. On the days I was given no choice, of course I’d take the chair instead. But when it could have gone either way? I wanted my walking stick please.

Then came my mobility scooter in 2016 – something I doubt I’d have come around to without Mr Tree Surgeon being the driving force.

But I’m currently not well enough to use my beloved scooter. And so it’s back to the wheelchair.

Of course one must actually have a certain level of ‘wellness’ to use a wheelchair. Mobility aids cannot and do not fix all ills and solve all problems.

I have friends who would give anything to be able to sit up long enough, to manage the movement okay, to cope with the ever-so-slight bumps and wobbles that occur on even the smoothest of surfaces. I can’t speak of other chronic illnesses or conditions, but M.E. is definitely not one that’s easily solved with a shiny new wheelchair.

I never liked having to be pushed; to be so out of control over where I could go. I’ve never been able to self-propel. And when I was well enough to use a scooter instead, the wheelchair only came out for the couple of times we headed abroad.

It’s such a wonderful thing to have. I wish I didn’t need it. But you might have noticed by now I’m not really one for wishing things away. It just is what it is. And what it is is that I need a wheelchair.

Mobility aids are fab, but they don’t save you from the Post Exertional Malaise (the key feature of M.E. – the worsening of symptoms after activity or exertion.)

There are so many illusions and misconceptions around mobility aids.

For me, I actually have to have a certain level of ‘wellness’ to use my wheelchair. My mobility aids take me to places that it would be impossible for me to get to (ie. beyond the garden path!) but my body still suffers afterwards, even though outsiders might interpret using a wheelchair as a more restful activity.