Life in the slow lane

'M.E. myself and I' by Anna Redshaw

You do you

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Anna Redshaw

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Not so long ago I wasn’t feeling so good about Christmas time. Actually, I was feeling awful; completely dreading it. But my mum said something to me when I was trying to work out Christmas time logistics and I thought I’d share it here because it might help someone else who may be feeling overwhelmed and swamped in pressure like I did:

“People’s hurt feelings will heal a lot faster than your poorly body will.”

Basically, pushing myself to do things that were really not sensible just to please others was not the right thing to be doing.

So this year, for the first time, I am taking a stand for myself and doing what is best for my poorly body. I am saying No to certain invitations or plans even though it is leaving people feeling disappointed or hurt because, ultimately, I am not very well. Every single day, I am not very well. That doesn’t change at Christmas time. In fact I need to be even more cautious at this time of year because there are so many more social events than at any other time of year.

It’s taking a lot of guts to do this actually. Some of the things I’m saying No to are actually things I have pushed myself to do in previous years. But it’s unlikely that some people knew I was pushing myself to do them. And, as always, it has been very hard and sad to see others sad because of my health. I am missing out on lovely things with my favourite people but that is what I have to do. I am doing the best I can within my own limits. And that has to be enough, because it’s all I’ve got.

So I hope Mumma Jones’s words of wisdom might help someone else in the way they helped me. I think they’re pretty spot on.

2 responses to “You do you”

  1. earthangel5 Avatar
    earthangel5

    Thank you Anna for sharing those wise words , it has really helped me today ! This week I had to cancel two “things” which I have stupidly and necessarily beaten myself up about . The first was a Christmas gift exchange with a long time friend , just at her Mums house , very calm and chilled in reality , but I just couldn’t do it . I stressed all day over it and made myself 10 times worse , then gave in and messaged her . She was of course understanding and I should have known this!
    The second event was the one that hurt the most , the funeral of a lady I have known all my life , the mother of my special childhood friend . But again I just felt so ill from overworrying the previous day , it became impossible. Missing my chance to “officially ” say goodbye to someone I very much cared about hurts to the core , and these days strong emotions are not such a great thing for my wellbeing . So i definitely understand how difficult it is to do normal things with lovely people Anna , i experience this too and it’s one of the hardest things in the world to learn to care more for yourself than other in certain circumstances.
    So please take enjoyment from Christmas in your own way, and I hope you make plenty of special memories along the way . A big thank you to your lovely Mum for the words that made me stop and think about things in a different light , I certainly needed to hear them today . Merry Christmas! X

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  2. maureenrq Avatar
    maureenrq

    Thank you for sharing Mumma Jones’ words of wisdom, and well done you for heeding them. My mum isn’t alive now but the other night I dreamt she gave me this enormous hug, I woke crying and feeling all the love and hope and renewal that came from her. Mums are ace, wherever they are, and can often see what is best for us when we can’t.

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Hello,

I’m Anna

Welcome to M.E. myself and I, my tiny little corner of the internet where I share snippets of life in the slow lane. You’ll also find all things Blue Sunday here, the annual fundraising event I started in 2013 to raise awareness of M.E., include people living with the illness, and raise money for the M.E. charities who support us.

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