I haven’t used the word tired to describe how I’m feeling for several years now. I quickly realised that what I was feeling was not tiredness at all. Tiredness, as I had known it for twenty years, was something that everyone felt and was something that could be improved or made to disappear by sleeping.
Tired is a ridiculous word, used to describe a multitude of things. It’s a bit like ‘nice’ and ‘fine’ in a way.
What I feel is not tiredness. I don’t feel the need to sleep. Infact I often struggle to get to sleep.
What I feel is exhaustion. What I feel is fatigue – to be so lacking in energy that you feel physically sick. Your muscles ache so much that it is painful. You have so little energy that you can barely move your limbs. And sometimes you actually can’t – you experience temporary paralysis. That isn’t tiredness now is it? You might moan after a long day at work that you’re so tired you can barely move; that you’re too tired to go upstairs to bed. But you do it don’t you? You do move and you do go up to bed. Because you can.
So you won’t find me using the T word very often, if at all. I’ll tell you I’m worn out instead. (If I tell you that it actually means that I feel so exhausted I can’t believe my heart is still managing to beat. Just so you know.)
There are other words you won’t find my using. Should is another one but I’ll come onto that later. I’m too cream crackered to carry on today.