Reality

Today has been hard. I woke up knowing that there would be tears before bedtime…and there are.

It hasn’t been the poorliest of days. Infact I managed to do a little bit of baking. But nevertheless these days come every once in a while and there’s no rhyme or reason or anything in particular that triggers days like this.

On days like this I can’t see the end. All I can see is a life lost to M.E; a life that I miss and that I want back. I want so desperately to be out enjoying the sunshine, or working, or socialising with friends. I just want to be free, but I am stuck and trapped by an illness that cannot be cured. On days like this M.E. feels like a life sentence. There is no way out. There is no choice. On days like this I wish it wasn’t this way. People say I will get better but my patience has run out. The positivity and the search for silver linings slips away on days like this and I am hit with the harsh reality of life with an incurable chronic illness. 

There is nothing anyone can do. There is nothing I can do…except to hold on and hope that tomorrow will be a bit brighter.