The quest continues…

My search for an M.E-friendly hobby continues, if such a thing as M.E-friendly actually exists.

The baking gave me a huge sense of achievement but I got carried away and did too much too soon. I also seemed to throw all I had learnt about pacing out of the window and did more in a day than I should have done in a week! Still, I have picked myself up and dusted myself off. On to the next one!

A lot of chronically ill people seem to turn to arts and crafts, afterall sporting hobbies are no longer possible for so many of us because of our health. Many moons ago I made my own cards and hanging mobiles and such like. I suppose I’ve always been a jack of all trades, master of none.

I recently reinvested in some glass and ceramic painting materials. I thought glass painting pens would be more suitable now because of the muscle twitches, weak arms and unsteady hands. So far so good. Having to wait for the paint to dry allows me to rest. I am able to sit comfortably, or even lie down, and slowly decorate jars or glasses or mugs at my own pace. I tend to do a few minutes here and there throughout the day or over the course of a few days. I don’t do it everyday either. Just when my arms are up to it. They are just simple designs, nothing fancy. It is wonderful to have something to do in the day other than just aim to have a shower, get changed, meet my baseline targets and just ‘be’.

I haven’t had a reaction to smell of the paint either which was a concern too. It has been nice to do something and achieve something at a time when my health seems to have plateaued and maybe even taken a step back. I have a desire to sleep in the day just so that I can escape the poorliness for a few hours. But I don’t. I have worked too hard at retraining my brain into knowing that sleep is not for the daytime. To give in now would undo all of that incredibly hard work.

I have no idea how I keep going. I have no idea how I manage to keep fighting despite the apparent hopelessness of my situation at times.

I have never been good at sticking to diets or keeping New Years resolutions. But I must have some willpower because I haven’t given up. Every morning I try to get up and out of bed. If I can’t, then it is because I physically can’t and not because I can’t be bothered or I’ve given up. That must take some willpower mustn’t it? I long for there to be a quick fix for M.E but there isn’t. My grit and determination are the only solution to the problem.

The other afternoon I had a good cry because I was almightily fed up of this illness. Now though I feel brighter again. I have managed to somehow pick myself back up and ‘just keep swimming’

Thank you so much for all of your messages of support recently. It means a lot to know that I am not completely alone in all of this. We will plod along together.