Slow and steady wins the race


Progress, recovery or improvement is painstakingly slow. For some of us there may be none at all. I have to accept that it is highly unlikely that I will ever return to my pre-ME energy and activity levels. Like I said to begin with though, I am one of the lucky ones. I have already seen improvement and made progress towards recover. I have been able to use the stairs and sleep in my bedroom for almost a year now. If I could go a little jig to celebrate I would! I remain hopeful that I will continue to improve, or at least not go back to the way I was this time last year. I may be naive in looking on the bright side, but it is just the way I am and I am thankful for that. 



This little guy was clearly moving faster than I was, hence my inability to get a non-blurry photo…

Unconquerable soul

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul. 

William Ernest Henley

Confused.com

This is the first time I have ever really spoken freely about my illness outside of my immediate family. I don’t know if I like to talk about it always or not. It has become so normal to me that perhaps I see no need to talk about it. It is taken as a given that I feel poorly everyday. My symptoms are ever present, lucky me! I think I needed this outlet though. I did. I needed to feel that I could communicate freely with others who are in the same boat. We are in uncharted, rocky waters, but at least we are together. Even if nobody reads it, I think I needed to do it for myself, to get things out of my system…

Everything is a contradiction. We are told to listen to our bodies but to push ourselves too. We are told not to sleep during the day but to listen to our body. Well our body is screaming at us to sleep?! 
I suppose it is all about balance. Nothing is set in stone. Nobody, NOBODY has all of the answers. We are largely in the dark. I find the contradictions very frustrating. Very frustrating indeed. I have stuck at it but I have been very careful. You must always listen to your body. It is ultimately in charge when you have M.E. You do not want to make it anymore cross and grumpy than it already is. You ‘push’ it gently, and by this I think I mean that you persevere. When you suffer a setback or a relapse, you change the goalposts. It is hard. The hardest thing I have done probably, but it all just seems so normal now. It is comforting to know that I am not alone. My family are amazing. My real friends have stuck with me. My new friends are in the same boat as me. Most have been suffering for a lot longer than me. They are my inspiration.