Just acknowledging that this is a relapse has taken some kind of pressure off to get back to ‘my normal’.
In theory I’m no longer fighting thoughts about what kind of day I’ll wake up to tomorrow because I’m accepting that it will be a day very similar to the one I’ve just experienced, ie. very restricted and rather tough.
In truth, I stopped analysing each day many years ago now. It wasn’t doing me any good to keep activity charts or symptom lists. What a waste of my precious energy that soon became! But being at this level of severity again initially brought some of my self and symptom analysis back. I’ve worked on it and it’s lessened again, but I’ve noticed that those around me have slipped back into a state of near-constant analysis of my health too. And they’re not yet working to cease doing it!
“You seem a bit brighter.”
“Not so good today?”
“Are you feeling any better do you think?”
Not everyone does this. Just a small handful. But it’s enough to be wearing and irritating. A very long time ago I had reached a point where people didn’t really do this to me anymore. In fact I actually asked them to stop. The question “How are you” was politely banned
Of course, many of the people in my life are again desperate for this to miraculously ease. But we ALL need to accept that this could take months to improve and ease off. Acceptance isn’t just something the person with M.E. needs to find.
When I posted about how not waiting to get better has been pivotal for me, several others got in touch to say they felt they were doing the same, but that it was the people in their lives who were still waiting for progress and improvement; still, to some extent, in denial about the situation.
We can hope for improvement and Better. Absolutely. But let’s not fixate on it so much that it starts to oppress us.
This is how things are, for now. It will not be better by tomorrow. Take me as I am right now. This is as good as it gets for now. And we have to make the best of that, Waiting for better is a complete waste of time and such a shame