M.E. myself and him – Part 1

“So how does this even work?! When you’re obviously at opposite ends of the energy scale!”

This stranger had just voiced the biggest fear I had when I felt ready to enter the dating scene while being invisible, chronically ill. Even after two years of marriage those words stay with me.

An outsider took one look at us as a couple and made the assumption I feared people would make; that me and him aren’t compatible and that the differences between our healths would be too great. They won’t even remember saying it. They probably don’t even think of me. But I remember.

Instantly my mind told me that my illhealth made me less. That I wasn’t as worthy or as worth it. That stranger voiced all of that, heavily subtexted within five minutes of meeting me.

Why would someone pick me? What could anyone see in someone as restricted as me? What was in it for him? Was he taking advantage of me?

I had known people would question it, but until this stranger did two years into our relationship, no-one had ever said anything to my face.

In making this flippant statement, all of those concerns that I’d worked hard to quiet, came back to the forefront of my mind.

I don’t even need to dignify that stranger’s question with an answer. Anyone who knows us will know how well this relationship works. When I was healthy I’d never had a relationship like this. I genuinely didn’t know they were possible.

It took a good long while for me to see that while he might be the best thing that’s ever happened to me, the thing that could well have saved my life, I am exactly the same thing to him.

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Part 1 of a new blog series M.E. myself and him.

I will never tell anyone else to “Never Give Up Hope” with regards to meeting someone like I have. I find it patronising and offensive; we can only ever comment on these things from within our own experience. I’ve never understood why others feel so confident in making statements about how “It Could Happen For You Someday Too.” For a start you have to feel physically well enough to start dating. I hope it does happen for you if that’s what you want. I hope just sharing my story might give you a glimmer of hope but we can talk about it all another day if you like.