For the first time in 4 years I have been away for a week without my family. It was a very big deal for me…to know that they weren’t there. I have managed a couple of weekends away with friends over the past few years, but my parents (god bless them!) always booked to stay in a hotel nearby. Just incase.
This time I was flying solo. As in, I was going away without a back-up plan (although my dad did say he would drive the 3+ hours to get me at the drop of a hat.) I went away with my boyfriend (I know!!!) and his family and had such an amazing time. If someone had said to me only six months ago that I’d be doing this I’d have rolled my eyes at them and laughed in their face.
I’ll admit I felt like I had a lot to worry about. It’s in my nature to worry but when you factor in the unpredictability of this condition…I didn’t want to ruin the week for anyone by having to stay in bed and have my boyfriend stay with me to look after me. That just wasn’t what I wanted for our week away.
|Just casually standing in a pond. The New Forest. March 2015|
No-one batted an eyelid when I had to leave early or cancel plans or miss certain activities… There were a few tears when I couldn’t fulfil plans I’d made. When your body won’t allow you to perform the very basics it’s hard not to let it get to you every once in a while. But I knew that no-one minded; that they wanted me to rest when I needed to. Monday afternoon and Tuesday were particularly poorly but I have a chronic illness so that’s to be expected!
Because I didn’t have to ‘waste’ my energy on walking too far or cooking or cleaning managed to join in with meals out and a trip to the seaside and even a couple of games in an arcade! Can you believe it?! The Anna Jones who had to sleep in the dining room again only last year was coherent enough to play Pictionary (albeit very badly!) For so long I have had to sit out and watch when it comes to group games. It felt so good. So normal! I managed ‘a lot’ by my standards and I know that I couldn’t have done that this time last year.
I FEEL a bit better and it actually takes guts to admit that. Because 99% of people then assume that I AM better, as in fully recovered. I don’t believe I ever will be. I believe I will always have to be mindful and careful of my health. But I do not feel like I am in desperate need of an ambulance very often anymore. I rarely have to wear my ear defenders to combat the sensory overload. I can make my own coffee almost without fail. Often I can make my own lunch now. Progress is frustratingly slow. It has taken four long years to turn this corner. But it’s wonderful when it happens.
Now if you need me this week I’ll most likely be found resting in bed! Body did good. It needs its reward.