This feels a bit silly.
I wrote it a while ago during a sad few minutes but didn’t share it with you. These were just the things that popped into my head at that time. I don’t think the list quite portrays how much I missed those things at that very moment. I’m not sure why I’m posting it now but perhaps gives an insight into all areas of life with a chronic illness…
- I miss the freedom of a healthier life.
- I miss doing things for other people.
- I miss my work.
- I miss having the opportunity to go to the gym and to be athletic.
- I miss wearing trainers and sports gear and being healthy and spritely.
- I miss dancing even if nobody else was on the dance floor.
- I miss running for the train.
- I miss nipping to the supermarket.
- I miss impromptu nights out or days with friends that turn into nights of laughing and dancing.
- I miss staying up late to watch something on television.
- I miss jogging with music blasting in my ears.
- I miss being able to pull my weight.
- I miss being Anna.
- I miss the time when people didn’t have to adapt and tread on egg shells and bend over backwards for me
- I miss unloading the dishwasher.
- I miss fending for myself.
- I miss being able to do things spur of the moment or last minute.
- I miss my life.
- I miss my role.
- I miss driving to see my friends.
- I miss having the freedom to stay out all day.
- I miss making plans.
- I miss being able to take things for granted.
- I miss being able to keep plans and not having to worry whether I’ll have to cancel them.
- I miss being more than an illness.
- I miss that Friday feeling.
- I miss running up the stairs or taking the stairs two at a time.
- I miss having days that are more than managing to get out of bed.
- I miss being able to walk into town.
- I miss being able to do more than one thing a day, a week, a month.
- I miss wearing clothes that aren’t super-baggy just because I have to go for comfort.
- I miss being able to multitask.
- I miss being able. Full stop.
M.E. myself and I 
This is not silly- this is beautiful. I do this sometimes as well. I think one of the things we must do is grieve in our own ways. I love that you were brave enough to share.
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I probably shouldn't be reading this at 4am when I'm sleep deprived (and let's face it – a bit 'emosh'), but I've been browsing through blogs to pass the old insomnia hours and don't think this is silly at all. I think we often put on a brave face and maintain a 'stiff upper lip', but the reality is that we lose a lot to this illness and there isn't anything wrong with expressing sadness at the loss of those things. Sometimes I struggle to think of anything good – I guess the only positives that have come from being so unwell have been patience, understanding, empathy and the best spoonie friends ever 😉
Meg | meg-says.com
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